Today we remember...

Today we remember. On May 4th, one year ago, I was just finishing up my part in the filming of Bodhi Yoga's teacher training/chakra series, loading my cameras in my car, when I received a phone call from my husband. He said that his father had just passed away. I remember walking up the steps and entering the Bodhi Yoga Center, as my wonderful teacher and friend saw me, heard the conversation, and offered me a chair, rubbed my back, encouraged me to breathe as I listened to Aaron tell the events of the afternoon.  Yes, I was shocked, but not for the reasons one might think.

( a picture I captured of Lee in 2005, as he watched two of his sons rebuilding a fence)

Aaron's dad had spent the last 20 + years battling Parkinson's disease, along with dementia. Aaron and I had spent the previous 7 years helping his parents as the disease took its toll, both physically and emotionally--on everyone.  Some things I learned from this experience:  Parkinson's disease happens to the whole family, not only the person who "has it". Dementia happens to the whole family (not only the one who has it) as well as the whole neighborhood--and we have a wonderful neighborhood.  My heart goes out to those who are still raising their families and  taking care of elderly parents.  It is becoming more and more common, though not easier.

When we moved here, to help care for my husband's parents and their little ranch, I was still recovering from my own trauma. I was still using a cane and wheelchair to get around. I was still in a very vulnerable place as I struggled to heal emotionally as well as physically.  Yet I knew. I knew that because I had the humbling experience of having to have someone else take care of ALL of my needs, even wipe my bum for me, that I would do all that was necessary to "pay it forward". Karma.  I had been so well-cared for and loved--and I was so grateful for the willingness of others to simply do what needed to be done, that I was willing to pay it forward--if the time came. It did. I did.  Was it easy? No. Did I learn? Yes. Many things. Unexpected things.

So when I heard of his passing, I was surprised because I knew. I had doubted and second guessed myself, my personal insight and promptings that I'd had for weeks, even months...so when they came to pass...I was surprised. I knew we had all needed to be done, and to take those steps, the process of letting go...was difficult. I doubted. I worried what others would think of me. It turns out, I learned much more about myself than I did anyone else. I'm grateful for what I learned. I am better for it.

 The legacy Lee created is far-reaching. He is still working, still taking care of his family. I have an incredible husband who still looks to his dad for advice. The last year has been one of adjusting and healing. We now embark on other adventures...with one more angel smoothing the path...probably with a rake.